remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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