She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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