I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
