maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
