Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
