k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
