so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
