I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
