At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
