Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
