oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
