ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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