First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
