This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
