I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
