that's an acceptable place to lick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
