Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just tell him i said nine months
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
