I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
