I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
