remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
