Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
