Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
