Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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