Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
