We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
