So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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