ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
