I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
