Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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