sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
