Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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