we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
