Umm I'm too high to move.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
