The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
