found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
