Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
