I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
