They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
