Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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