hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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