So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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