People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
