Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
