Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
