Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
