FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
