i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
