I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
