I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
