Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
