Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
